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| Good bye, fair Xanga world. I shall not be posting anymore. I have not had the time to post and I delete all of my subscription emails. Twas fun while it lasted.
drew | | |
| I like cooking on occasion. I make a pretty good chili. Or maybe my brother made it. It was good, anyways.
So I was inspired to do some cooking tonight. Yes, to those of you who are my employees, I do have a life outside of work. I have my own Betty Crocker cookbook and I'm proud of it... Actually, I inherited it because my brother moved out, but who's keeping track?
Well, this definitely warrants a sonian speech. So I went through the whole process, calling my mom, my sister, my grandma... to get the best recipe, of course! Which can always be found with my grandma. I told her I wanted to make banana bread, and she suggested banana nut cookies instead. Well, those don't go stale... and I don't have a bread pan, so they were the ideal suggestion. Hold on a second... some cookies are coming out of the oven right now... brb.
Back. These ones look pretty good... munch. munch.
ANYWAYS, back to the story:
My idea was simply this: make some good cookies out of bananas that were going bad and present them to my hon and her roommate when they came over to watch the Pretender. Simple, right?
WRONG!
So, I have a lot of fun getting the ingredients together, mashing bananas with my brother's potato masher (I know, I desecrated a Pampered Chef Potato Masher!), mixing the shortening and sugar, adding raisins, borrowing nutmeg from my upstairs neighbor, Donna. Well, everything was going splendid. I preheated the oven before mixing the ingredients, but strangely enough, the oven light did not turn off to signal its readiness at the appropriate 400 degree mark. Thinking that it was strange, but arguing with myself that it probably takes all ovens awhile to warm to 400, I decided to put my cookies in slightly early, noting that the oven didn't feel hot enough either.
Mistake #1. Ten minutes later, I inspected what should have been completed cookies, but to my dismay, found somewhat cooked cookies on top, with non cooked undersides. It was then that I put my hand close to the lower oven element, wondering whether it was working. It didn't feel hot. Crap.
So those 12 cookies went in the trash, because they were not edible.
Now I need an idea. Where to cook the cookies? I had already borrowed nutmeg from Donna, so I didn't want to impose upon her. I asked LaVaughn and Susan next door, but to no avail! They had just put something in the oven for a half an hour! Panicking (sp?), I racked my brain for an appropriate solution...
Turn on the car and put them under the hood? No, too greasy, you wouldn't be able to taste the bananas afterwards.
Start a fire in my bedroom using my mattress as kindling and roast them in a reflector oven? No, doesn't break enough laws...
Aha! I shall use my toaster oven to fix this dilemma!
So I did. I fired up ye toaster oven to 400 and popped two trays of cookies in, and set the timer.
Little did I know that the cookies on the top rack were only cooking on the top... and the cookies on the bottom rack were only cooking on the bottom. But once I realized that they were not cooking evenly, I decided to open up the toaster oven and switch the trays to different racks.
Mistake #2. Whilst switching pans from upper to lower racks, I held on to said cookies pans. I didn't realize that one was held at an angle and as quick as you can say "Bob's your uncle," the whole pan had fallen from my hands onto the side of the fridge. Suffice to say, it made a big mess. Part of the cookies had already cooked themselves to the pan, and they just laughed in my face as I scraped them into the garbage. Stupid oatmeal banana raisin cookies!
So the other pan was safely in. And I just took out the last of the cookies. But so was my saga with oatmeal banana raisin cookies. I have a few to market to Melissa and Amanda, winning over one of their hearts. (hopefully Melissa's).
Whilst this hasn't been the most interesting sonian, I hope you enjoyed it somewhat. I lost much of my creativity of the evening after scraping 18 bad cookies into the trash can. But even with 18 bad cookies, I still have 18 good ones.
Don't you love happy endings?
Good night.
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| 1. so what are you doing with the extra?
I'm going to plant a coleslaw garden so I can always be the one to bring the coleslaw and never have to buy it from the store again.
2. One question still remains to be answered - why not simply buy the pre-packaged coleslaw from the deli section??!?!
When I bought the coleslaw, pre-packaged coleslaw didn't exist. That's an innovation that popped up in the last 72 hours. Don't believe me? When was the last time you actually bought coleslaw from the deli section? They always looked like they had it, but believe me, it was just a marketing ploy...
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| "So..."
Eyes flash, a cruel smile ripples across her lips. She wrings her hands maliciously, cracking each and every knuckle. Every pop and crick accounting for each of them that dares to answer her untruthfully. She snaps each finger separately, carefully, roughly. From her appearance, no one would have guessed the truth. About her past.
"What is a sonian?"
I breathe a sign of relief. For, this is not a dramatic question, but a simple one. And one that I can easily answer truthfully. One that I've been asked many times. One that has escaped me my entire life. Until today. I've come to the realization that in order for me to successfully have a Xanga presence with the word "sonian" in it, I must define this unapproachable and undefined term. Yes, some have the aforementioned specimen as their surname. A forest is name as such as well. blogger.com hosts a blog called The Sonian (of which I have no connection to and have no knowledge of its content). But my definition must incorporate my quirky sense of humor. An initial inference lends oneself to believe that an appropriate synonym for sonian would be "quirk." However, the word quirk isn't quite quirky enough for this author. Thus, my defintion:
Sonian: (s n  - n) Those acts, events, situations, times, thoughts, accidents, happenings, circumstances, fates, afteraffects, performances, results, consequences, flukes, calamities, mishaps, marvels, episodes, and otherwise weird things that come up in my daily life that cause me to stop and decide whether to lie on the floor kicking, screaming, crying, wailing, and beating my body or to give a wholehearted chuckle at myself, exclaim "Drew, you've really done it this time!" and allow myself to marvel at my own actions with an incredulous "I can't believe I did that," "I didn't know that was how it worked," or "¡Duh! ¡Yo estupido!"
That's a sonian. So now, I'm dedicating this site to a great purpose. To report on my regular sonians. Things that crop up in life that may or may not interest you. But at least I may make someone's day once in awhile and enjoy sharing my own stupidities along the way. Feel free to add your own sonians as time progresses using the commenting feature of this marvelous website.
So. The First Sonian. Imagine Homestar Runner speaking it and it will be much more interesting.
Yes. Well. I signed up to bring coleslaw to the Southgate singles cookout tonight. Not hard, right? I am bringing hamburger and hot dogs buns. Easy. But I also signed up for coleslaw. Now, I don't know many people in the world who really really really like coleslaw. At least as much as to eat more than a little portion on a plate. However, whilst shopping at Kroger, I decided to make a little batch of my own by buying the precut bag o' coleslaw without the creamy extra and making the creamy part myself. I wish I had the action pictures, but did not take any at the time, because I didn't think it would turn out to be a sonian.
So I bought two bags of coleslaw and brought them home. Today, I read the instructions on the back to make the creamy part and set to work mixing the 4 ingredients. This is easy, right? Mayo, milk, white vinegar, and a pinch of sugar (actually half a teaspoon). I doubled the ingredients because I had two bags of coleslaw. Sounds great, no?
Anywho, I opened the first bag o' coleslaw. Yes, I bought two bags 'o coleslaw, thinking that a party of 12-15 people would require two bags... I mean, we'd have to have more than two bags of chips, so why not two bags of coleslaw? Well, the contents quickly expanded beyond their airtight vacuum sealed container and essentially doubled in size. Did I mention that I had already mixed the creamy stuff in a doubled batch? I was at a point of no return in the coleslaw process and the feeling had sunk in that I had just made enough coleslaw for about a 30 person party. Wow. And I didn't have a container big enough to mix it all. Problem. But after some work and careful thought, I found the flour container, which had a bag of flour inside, but no flour outside the bag. Problem solved. Saints be pwaised!
And this is the result. I had to laugh at my overkill of coleslaw making. Maybe I should call the people bringing hamburgers and hot dogs and tell them to bring pulled pork instead. Then more people would put coleslaw on their sandwichs.
The end (pics follow)
The Final Result... Lots of coleslaw!
Hey! I'm a coleslaw fiend!
Yum! Wait... What's that yellow thing coming out of my nose?
Tune in again next time when we will discuss my other latest Sonian: The Dish Scrubber.
- drew -
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| Breathe.
Slow.
Let the world slow.
And let me breathe alone.
Let me drink the air myself.
For I have sped into frenzy.
I've gone too close to the edge.
Flying on the edge is great.
Until you get cut.
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